Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
