erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
