I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
