Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
