Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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