Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
