Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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