I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
