I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
