I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to make out with him forever
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
