I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
