I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
