My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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