I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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