You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im part way to drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
