the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
