I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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