i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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