I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
