i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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