i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment