This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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