So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.