I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
