u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
