Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
