Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
