Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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