i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
