but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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