Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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