Ambien. No doubt about it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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