Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
