I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
