your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
