How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
