Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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