There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she smelled like a LAN party
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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