so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
