you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
