Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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