You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
