what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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