so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
