Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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