Apparently you make a good broom.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
