So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize