Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
