he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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