dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize