Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
