my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
