I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
cat food counts as protein by the way
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
