She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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