I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
