Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
