I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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