I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
