4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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