her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
