There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
