I wish I only lived at night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
