She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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