He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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