Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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