You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
