just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
