Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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